Many people inevitable ask me when they figure out I write, the next question: Why? For a long time, this question flummoxed me. My weak response to the question never thrilled me. The best I could do was, 'because I do'. That answer, which was true, never failed to disappoint me.
In giving it, I always felt like a politician being asked why he or she was running for office and having bungled the answer. And yet it was the most truthful answer I could give. I could of course concoct an exquisite fabrication that could excite the imagination of the questioner. Of course an entertaining lie is sometimes preferable to the pale bland truth.
However, I have found heeding a simple piece of advice that was given to me a long time ago to be best. It was given to me the kindest naval officer I ever met. I will for the purposes of this call her Commander Mary Ellen. She told me, to above all things, 'be true to yourself'. The exact words of her advice were, 'To thine own self be true'. And I have always found that living from that advice while challenging, while at times painful, to be the best thing I do for myself and those around me both now and in the long term.
In doing so, it has led me to appreciate the simplicity of authenticity. It has caused in me to have an affinity for genuineness wherever it is found. Somehow my spirit has always craved the place of the stark truth. And Always strive to live in the 'warts and all' place of reality. And conversely the comfort o the palliative fabrication to be as unacceptable as it is uncomfortable.
In knowing this about myself, it makes my answer, while see as weak to some, to still be the best I can give. I write simple because I do. I write, because it is in me to do so. I write, because my creator crafted in me the need to be someone that does so. And only in doing so do I take the gift granted to me by the father, remove it from the hold I buried it in in the earth, and honor the gift granted, and giver of the gift.
Obviously, there are more intricate aspects to this question. Obviously, I am not the blind simpleton that dwell only in the binary existence of just writing because I do. There is clearly more to it than that. I am not merely a mathematical expression of A + B = C. Or am I?
Clearly, the expression is a theorum. It is composed of 'I write because I do'. It is a simplistic generic expression that acts as a summation of expression. It is a blunt method that allows understanding at a glance. It is an expression that functions as a short hand. Some need a short that allows simple and easy categorization.
Those that need that, need nothing more. Others see this as entree into a deeper exploration of the short hand. Others grasp that "A" is not a solid faction, but rather an element that functions as an archetype that represents a host of other gathered terms. In so doing, "A", does not represent a numerical value at any point in time. As the gathered terms are so fluid and radically shifting and cycling in such a vaporous fashion that any numerical expression is impossible.
Of the many aspects of the gathered terms, chief among them is, sanity. I write as a coping mechanism. I write, because in putting things on paper, they are no longer rattling about in my head. I can release the demon from my cranium and trap it on the page where it will live apart from me. I can no longer do me any further harm there, intentional or otherwise. Once released upon the page the item there is two things.
The act of releasing it to the page for many is a form of catharsis. And I think my process of doing so does meet the textbook definition of the word. I have always found it strange that the simple act of writing it down provides me with such peace. After a session of writing I have always felt more at ease. I have always felt that regardless of the enemies that beset me before and aft, at least within the confines of my brain box, I am better of somehow. The exact reasons for this have always eluded me, I just know it to be true, if for no one other than me.
My tendencies related to my writing always revolve around this purging release process of my sanity. I tend to write more content, and more frequently when I am in a place of psychic trouble. I write because I do, relates most accurately to I write because of the brokenness that seems to define the essential nature of being me.
It is absolutely true that I write more in times of angst and strife. It is further true that I don't tend to write at all in times of peace and calm. And further I don't write when at the top or bottom of my emotional cycles. The entire writing cycle for me, tends to occur in the midst of the existential crisis and the cycling up and down through it. The reasoning for this is unknown to me. I just know it to be true.
Understanding this aspect of myself, it leads me to wonder. It leads me to ask the question, 'If I am a writer by nature and hopefully one day by profession, can I only write when I am beset by some form of trouble real or imagined?' And the follow-up to that, 'Do I have to remain in some form of unbalanced somehow in order to write?'
The healthy answer to those questions is No and No. I cannot live from a place of agitated insanity just so I can be creative. That does not lead to a place of long term health and stability. The challenge I have always faced and still do face, is in how do I manage to coax the tap of my creativity a part from chaos, stress, and anxiety? How do I manage to live a life in balance and harmony that allows creativity to flow like a tap for the sap of a tree absent the cycling of the emotional and psychological state?
The answer I have always found is clearly in feeding the creative side of myself. It has requirements all its own. My requirements are different from many others in the creative camp. I have heard it said that the diet of each creative person is unique to that person and that no two diets are identical in any way.
My diet for the creative is composed of watching and reading good movies and fiction of all types. There are a few exclusions. I think overarching drama and the romantic comedy typically do not qualify as 'good' by and large I can't stomach them. I find them typically to be meaningless tripe that is devised only for their emotional content and nothing more. There are exceptions to this sure, but by and large it is true.
I also find good music is a solid contributor and a valid adjunct here as well. There is nothing like good music to set the tone for me and allow me to enter into my creative head space. Some classical music works well, Wagner being a favorite of mine. Although a guilty pleasure of mine is Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, and Dio.
The key for me in grasping this process has always been laying hold of the totality of myself. The goal always being in understanding the process of irritation that creates the pearl. Some days I am better at this than others. Some days grasping anything more than the fact that the process is, and it must work its will is beyond me. On those days all I can manage is to strap myself and try to enjoy the ride while minimizing the impact to the other people around me. Knowing myself is always crucial to surviving the moment.
There are things in my life that sap my creative nature. I hate them. I abhor them. And inasmuch as I can I try to minimize them. Some forms of chaos completely sap my energy. I call these the moronic chaos. The petty and petulant things that get in the way. The ignorant tasks that impede my progress and divert me away from what I see as my task at hand.
I do have to be careful in how I view these things though. In more than a few cases, these petty and petulant things were actually divinely appointed and functioned as revealing moments and were requirements ordained for me to participate in for my own betterment. Even in knowing this, it is still hard to appreciate them in any meaningful capacity. I liken it to eating peas. I will never enjoy them as much as a handful of M & Ms, but occasionally the plate of peas placed before us must be endured, so that times of refreshing may come.
Work related chaos does tend to also sap my energy. There are moments in which all I can do is put one foot in front of the other and just be the guy that does the thing in the moment. This does not please me. In some days and moments, just honoring the moment with our presence and honoring it with the sum totality of who we are and our gifting is the requirement set before us and all we are meant to be at that moment in time.
Some call this compliance with the will of our lives. And there is some definite truth there. And for me, it is a challenge to quell my rebellious spirit and dwell in the eternal now set before as I understand it to be at this time. It does not please me to be quiet and do as instructed, when I want to be on my feet in total defiance, and speaking that defiance clearly and unambiguously. And yet sometimes that is the requirement. Sometimes wisdom is found in knowing which response is required for the moment. Which moment requires my obediance and which requires my defiance is the task of soul searching.
Understanding that in many cases, I am required to 'Smile and wave' in the midst of sea of turmoil and keep my own silent counsel is crucial. And then treasure up the experience for later expression on the page. Some opine that this is the essential nature of 'The Secret Life of Walter Mitty'. And there is much merit in that view. Using the stress-or as an adjunct to my life as creative person is the fullest expression of my testimony to you.
In all things, I attempt to let the things I cannot control, the things I cannot change to flow through me and exit out of me as they are required to. My process functions to ensure that things do not enter into me and remain lodged there for all eternity. Having a smooth flowing spirit, mind, and body are essential for me. Allowing anything to impede that impedes me, and when I am blocked and impeded I am not now, nor have I ever been a fun or pleasant person to be around or in the company of.
I write because I do, because if I don't there is a price to pay. And it is always more than I am willing or able to pay.
In giving it, I always felt like a politician being asked why he or she was running for office and having bungled the answer. And yet it was the most truthful answer I could give. I could of course concoct an exquisite fabrication that could excite the imagination of the questioner. Of course an entertaining lie is sometimes preferable to the pale bland truth.
However, I have found heeding a simple piece of advice that was given to me a long time ago to be best. It was given to me the kindest naval officer I ever met. I will for the purposes of this call her Commander Mary Ellen. She told me, to above all things, 'be true to yourself'. The exact words of her advice were, 'To thine own self be true'. And I have always found that living from that advice while challenging, while at times painful, to be the best thing I do for myself and those around me both now and in the long term.
In doing so, it has led me to appreciate the simplicity of authenticity. It has caused in me to have an affinity for genuineness wherever it is found. Somehow my spirit has always craved the place of the stark truth. And Always strive to live in the 'warts and all' place of reality. And conversely the comfort o the palliative fabrication to be as unacceptable as it is uncomfortable.
In knowing this about myself, it makes my answer, while see as weak to some, to still be the best I can give. I write simple because I do. I write, because it is in me to do so. I write, because my creator crafted in me the need to be someone that does so. And only in doing so do I take the gift granted to me by the father, remove it from the hold I buried it in in the earth, and honor the gift granted, and giver of the gift.
Obviously, there are more intricate aspects to this question. Obviously, I am not the blind simpleton that dwell only in the binary existence of just writing because I do. There is clearly more to it than that. I am not merely a mathematical expression of A + B = C. Or am I?
Clearly, the expression is a theorum. It is composed of 'I write because I do'. It is a simplistic generic expression that acts as a summation of expression. It is a blunt method that allows understanding at a glance. It is an expression that functions as a short hand. Some need a short that allows simple and easy categorization.
Those that need that, need nothing more. Others see this as entree into a deeper exploration of the short hand. Others grasp that "A" is not a solid faction, but rather an element that functions as an archetype that represents a host of other gathered terms. In so doing, "A", does not represent a numerical value at any point in time. As the gathered terms are so fluid and radically shifting and cycling in such a vaporous fashion that any numerical expression is impossible.
Of the many aspects of the gathered terms, chief among them is, sanity. I write as a coping mechanism. I write, because in putting things on paper, they are no longer rattling about in my head. I can release the demon from my cranium and trap it on the page where it will live apart from me. I can no longer do me any further harm there, intentional or otherwise. Once released upon the page the item there is two things.
- No longer within me
- No longer of any trouble to me
The act of releasing it to the page for many is a form of catharsis. And I think my process of doing so does meet the textbook definition of the word. I have always found it strange that the simple act of writing it down provides me with such peace. After a session of writing I have always felt more at ease. I have always felt that regardless of the enemies that beset me before and aft, at least within the confines of my brain box, I am better of somehow. The exact reasons for this have always eluded me, I just know it to be true, if for no one other than me.
My tendencies related to my writing always revolve around this purging release process of my sanity. I tend to write more content, and more frequently when I am in a place of psychic trouble. I write because I do, relates most accurately to I write because of the brokenness that seems to define the essential nature of being me.
It is absolutely true that I write more in times of angst and strife. It is further true that I don't tend to write at all in times of peace and calm. And further I don't write when at the top or bottom of my emotional cycles. The entire writing cycle for me, tends to occur in the midst of the existential crisis and the cycling up and down through it. The reasoning for this is unknown to me. I just know it to be true.
Understanding this aspect of myself, it leads me to wonder. It leads me to ask the question, 'If I am a writer by nature and hopefully one day by profession, can I only write when I am beset by some form of trouble real or imagined?' And the follow-up to that, 'Do I have to remain in some form of unbalanced somehow in order to write?'
The healthy answer to those questions is No and No. I cannot live from a place of agitated insanity just so I can be creative. That does not lead to a place of long term health and stability. The challenge I have always faced and still do face, is in how do I manage to coax the tap of my creativity a part from chaos, stress, and anxiety? How do I manage to live a life in balance and harmony that allows creativity to flow like a tap for the sap of a tree absent the cycling of the emotional and psychological state?
The answer I have always found is clearly in feeding the creative side of myself. It has requirements all its own. My requirements are different from many others in the creative camp. I have heard it said that the diet of each creative person is unique to that person and that no two diets are identical in any way.
My diet for the creative is composed of watching and reading good movies and fiction of all types. There are a few exclusions. I think overarching drama and the romantic comedy typically do not qualify as 'good' by and large I can't stomach them. I find them typically to be meaningless tripe that is devised only for their emotional content and nothing more. There are exceptions to this sure, but by and large it is true.
I also find good music is a solid contributor and a valid adjunct here as well. There is nothing like good music to set the tone for me and allow me to enter into my creative head space. Some classical music works well, Wagner being a favorite of mine. Although a guilty pleasure of mine is Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, and Dio.
The key for me in grasping this process has always been laying hold of the totality of myself. The goal always being in understanding the process of irritation that creates the pearl. Some days I am better at this than others. Some days grasping anything more than the fact that the process is, and it must work its will is beyond me. On those days all I can manage is to strap myself and try to enjoy the ride while minimizing the impact to the other people around me. Knowing myself is always crucial to surviving the moment.
There are things in my life that sap my creative nature. I hate them. I abhor them. And inasmuch as I can I try to minimize them. Some forms of chaos completely sap my energy. I call these the moronic chaos. The petty and petulant things that get in the way. The ignorant tasks that impede my progress and divert me away from what I see as my task at hand.
I do have to be careful in how I view these things though. In more than a few cases, these petty and petulant things were actually divinely appointed and functioned as revealing moments and were requirements ordained for me to participate in for my own betterment. Even in knowing this, it is still hard to appreciate them in any meaningful capacity. I liken it to eating peas. I will never enjoy them as much as a handful of M & Ms, but occasionally the plate of peas placed before us must be endured, so that times of refreshing may come.
Work related chaos does tend to also sap my energy. There are moments in which all I can do is put one foot in front of the other and just be the guy that does the thing in the moment. This does not please me. In some days and moments, just honoring the moment with our presence and honoring it with the sum totality of who we are and our gifting is the requirement set before us and all we are meant to be at that moment in time.
Some call this compliance with the will of our lives. And there is some definite truth there. And for me, it is a challenge to quell my rebellious spirit and dwell in the eternal now set before as I understand it to be at this time. It does not please me to be quiet and do as instructed, when I want to be on my feet in total defiance, and speaking that defiance clearly and unambiguously. And yet sometimes that is the requirement. Sometimes wisdom is found in knowing which response is required for the moment. Which moment requires my obediance and which requires my defiance is the task of soul searching.
Understanding that in many cases, I am required to 'Smile and wave' in the midst of sea of turmoil and keep my own silent counsel is crucial. And then treasure up the experience for later expression on the page. Some opine that this is the essential nature of 'The Secret Life of Walter Mitty'. And there is much merit in that view. Using the stress-or as an adjunct to my life as creative person is the fullest expression of my testimony to you.
In all things, I attempt to let the things I cannot control, the things I cannot change to flow through me and exit out of me as they are required to. My process functions to ensure that things do not enter into me and remain lodged there for all eternity. Having a smooth flowing spirit, mind, and body are essential for me. Allowing anything to impede that impedes me, and when I am blocked and impeded I am not now, nor have I ever been a fun or pleasant person to be around or in the company of.
I write because I do, because if I don't there is a price to pay. And it is always more than I am willing or able to pay.
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