There are moments in this life that are defining milestones. Moments that stand out as the turning point in a tidal flow of life. Moments that represent an iconic shift that betoken a clarion call that nothing that happens after it will ever be the same as the micro-second that occurred before it.
I experienced such a moment recently. It was in the midst of a command appearance before my physician, (the details of this command appearance are long and humorous, and I plan to share them at a later date). I was sitting in the anti-septically clean smelling and blindingly brilliant white exam room, when she entered the room after a battery of tests with her staff.
I knew something was really wrong from the pained look on her face. She sat down on the rolling stool and put her hand on my thigh in some vain effort to comfort me, and spoke the words that have come to define this period of my life, the words that define the context in which I will spend the rest of my life.
She said, "Todd you have diabetes".
Now I know that this diagnosis is not a death sentence. I know that it is not going to kill me today. I know that properly managed it is unlikely to be the direct cause of my death in the near term. I know that I stand a higher chance of being killed on a Columbus freeway today than my diabetes killing me today.
Knowing all of that to be the truth, didn't help me cope in that moment. My doctor did her level best to comfort me and give me the tools needed to get to a place of dealing with this disease. Honestly, her words were a blow to me. In that moment, I felt for the first time that my age and my eventual mortality were beginning to creep up on me. I felt as if I was shaking the hand of death in kind of an initial greeting, a sort of getting aquainted moment. I could almost hear the words, "You aren't going to live forever, and I thought I would take a moment to introduce myself" from death.
I left the appointment dazed, angry, and more than somewhat befuddled. I know it shouldn't have been a surprise to me. I know with my lifestyle, eating habits, and family history, I should have been prepared to hear those words. I however was not. I was angry for a short time with my creator even. I felt betrayed that I was being singled out by him here. I wondered why a lot of people I know can eat whatever they want and not gain an ounce, and have normal readings on everything, but yet I have been targetted with diabetes.
The rest of that day was something of a blur to me. I went through the motions of the rest of my daily routine, but my mind was elsewhere. I was struggling with the enormity of all these issues. I was struggling with the big picture implications that flowed out of it. I was struggling to maintain my faith and my connection with that spark set within me that is destined for eternity somewhere.
It wasn't until much later that day in my bride of more than a decade's embrace, that I was able to gain some measure of balance with this. It was in her reassurance that for better or worse meant something deep and abiding to her, and that we would face all of this together, and that whatever changes had to be made she would make them with me. I found in that moment the joy that the enemy had stolen from me at the appointment.
It was in that moment that the defining milestone was laid down in my life. Yes everything had changed in my life, but the milestone, the moment, wasn't at the doctor's appointment. It was much later with my wife in the midst of her determined and stubborn reassurance that we found the moment that defined us and everything that will flow forward out of it in the forseeable future. I was reminded what an amazing woman that my bride really is, and how lucky I am to have her at my side sharing the good and the bad with me.
Nothing is certain as of the date of this writing. There is good news to be sure. My body is responding positively to the changes in my diet, and medication. It was confirmed that I have adult onset type two, and not the more serious adult onset type one. And the readings of the blood sugars are getting close to the upper end of the normal range. The good take-aways here are many.
I do wish I knew for certain what the future holds in this regard, but I don't. And to be brutally honest, the future is an enigma for everyone, so I am no different than anyone else in that regard. I am still jealous of people that can eat with reckless abandon, and on some level I do feel that its not fair. However I am not God, and only He is responsible for the balance of that question, so its out of my hands. My envy and jealous notwithstanding I am on a course that will dominate the rest of my life. Hopefully, it will be a long and good one.
Thank you for taking a moment to read my scattered thoughts in this matter.
I experienced such a moment recently. It was in the midst of a command appearance before my physician, (the details of this command appearance are long and humorous, and I plan to share them at a later date). I was sitting in the anti-septically clean smelling and blindingly brilliant white exam room, when she entered the room after a battery of tests with her staff.
I knew something was really wrong from the pained look on her face. She sat down on the rolling stool and put her hand on my thigh in some vain effort to comfort me, and spoke the words that have come to define this period of my life, the words that define the context in which I will spend the rest of my life.
She said, "Todd you have diabetes".
Now I know that this diagnosis is not a death sentence. I know that it is not going to kill me today. I know that properly managed it is unlikely to be the direct cause of my death in the near term. I know that I stand a higher chance of being killed on a Columbus freeway today than my diabetes killing me today.
Knowing all of that to be the truth, didn't help me cope in that moment. My doctor did her level best to comfort me and give me the tools needed to get to a place of dealing with this disease. Honestly, her words were a blow to me. In that moment, I felt for the first time that my age and my eventual mortality were beginning to creep up on me. I felt as if I was shaking the hand of death in kind of an initial greeting, a sort of getting aquainted moment. I could almost hear the words, "You aren't going to live forever, and I thought I would take a moment to introduce myself" from death.
I left the appointment dazed, angry, and more than somewhat befuddled. I know it shouldn't have been a surprise to me. I know with my lifestyle, eating habits, and family history, I should have been prepared to hear those words. I however was not. I was angry for a short time with my creator even. I felt betrayed that I was being singled out by him here. I wondered why a lot of people I know can eat whatever they want and not gain an ounce, and have normal readings on everything, but yet I have been targetted with diabetes.
The rest of that day was something of a blur to me. I went through the motions of the rest of my daily routine, but my mind was elsewhere. I was struggling with the enormity of all these issues. I was struggling with the big picture implications that flowed out of it. I was struggling to maintain my faith and my connection with that spark set within me that is destined for eternity somewhere.
It wasn't until much later that day in my bride of more than a decade's embrace, that I was able to gain some measure of balance with this. It was in her reassurance that for better or worse meant something deep and abiding to her, and that we would face all of this together, and that whatever changes had to be made she would make them with me. I found in that moment the joy that the enemy had stolen from me at the appointment.
It was in that moment that the defining milestone was laid down in my life. Yes everything had changed in my life, but the milestone, the moment, wasn't at the doctor's appointment. It was much later with my wife in the midst of her determined and stubborn reassurance that we found the moment that defined us and everything that will flow forward out of it in the forseeable future. I was reminded what an amazing woman that my bride really is, and how lucky I am to have her at my side sharing the good and the bad with me.
Nothing is certain as of the date of this writing. There is good news to be sure. My body is responding positively to the changes in my diet, and medication. It was confirmed that I have adult onset type two, and not the more serious adult onset type one. And the readings of the blood sugars are getting close to the upper end of the normal range. The good take-aways here are many.
I do wish I knew for certain what the future holds in this regard, but I don't. And to be brutally honest, the future is an enigma for everyone, so I am no different than anyone else in that regard. I am still jealous of people that can eat with reckless abandon, and on some level I do feel that its not fair. However I am not God, and only He is responsible for the balance of that question, so its out of my hands. My envy and jealous notwithstanding I am on a course that will dominate the rest of my life. Hopefully, it will be a long and good one.
Thank you for taking a moment to read my scattered thoughts in this matter.
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