There are times when despite my best efforts, the blank page taunts me. There are times when the exercises, the prompts, and the other items that are aids fail me. And they fail to assist in squeezing out a single word onto the page. I have been suffering from this malady for awhile now. Suffering from an inability to fulfill that which was put in me by my creator to do.
The taunts from the blank page, the evil one, and the cynical side of my nature are cacophonous in my cranium. The stats from my website add to the discouragement. I know that I need to be creating content on a daily or near daily basis to redeem the endeavor involved in setting up the space. And the taunt of, 'All right, writer, no what' stings more than it should. Maybe I allow it to sting more than it should.
The temptation to allow despair to enter into my spirit is strong. The temptation to judge effort versus results is a powerful one. The temptation to measure my lack by the success of others is by far the most challenging. The effort to keep that last one at arm's length is a herculean task. Some days its the only thing I can accomplish. Some days I fail. Some days the weight of it all knocks me down.
On those days, I know the most I can ask of myself is to clear the load and come back up. I must confess on some of those days the best I can accomplish is to come back to my knees. On those days, I force myself to remember the truths. The truths that have governed my writing all along.
-Success is not the primary goal. Merely redeeming my gifting my gifting is the primary goal. Anything more is asking more than the sum of my calling. Getting the words out of my head is all I am tasked with doing.
-Seeking to chronicle the human experience as I have and as I continue to experience is my job.
-Finding ways to share the sum total of this chronicling be they big or small is my job.
-Focus on providing the fairest assessment of the sum of all that is within me is the primary locus.
-If after seeking these truths earnestly I experience success or failure as the world measures it, is not relevant. The purpose is altogether internal to my calling and seeking to merely redeem it is the challenge. As they say results will vary, and if no one else ever values a word I write, it matters not. The effort is where success if found.
The taunts from the blank page, the evil one, and the cynical side of my nature are cacophonous in my cranium. The stats from my website add to the discouragement. I know that I need to be creating content on a daily or near daily basis to redeem the endeavor involved in setting up the space. And the taunt of, 'All right, writer, no what' stings more than it should. Maybe I allow it to sting more than it should.
The temptation to allow despair to enter into my spirit is strong. The temptation to judge effort versus results is a powerful one. The temptation to measure my lack by the success of others is by far the most challenging. The effort to keep that last one at arm's length is a herculean task. Some days its the only thing I can accomplish. Some days I fail. Some days the weight of it all knocks me down.
On those days, I know the most I can ask of myself is to clear the load and come back up. I must confess on some of those days the best I can accomplish is to come back to my knees. On those days, I force myself to remember the truths. The truths that have governed my writing all along.
-Success is not the primary goal. Merely redeeming my gifting my gifting is the primary goal. Anything more is asking more than the sum of my calling. Getting the words out of my head is all I am tasked with doing.
-Seeking to chronicle the human experience as I have and as I continue to experience is my job.
-Finding ways to share the sum total of this chronicling be they big or small is my job.
-Focus on providing the fairest assessment of the sum of all that is within me is the primary locus.
-If after seeking these truths earnestly I experience success or failure as the world measures it, is not relevant. The purpose is altogether internal to my calling and seeking to merely redeem it is the challenge. As they say results will vary, and if no one else ever values a word I write, it matters not. The effort is where success if found.
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