I have a bit of a dilemma. I am metaphorically speaking caught between two worlds of faith. I know for sure that I don't fit into the world of Modern Christianity for a plethora of reasons. I never have fit there and it is unlikely that I ever will. The stuffy proceedure being more important that the substance of the event being my chief problem with it. In essence the sizzle being more valuable than the steak if you will. The finatical adherence to dogma being more important than how that dogma is implemented. The strict acceptance and unswerving loyalty perspectives bother me greatly also.
I have struggled for many decades of my life to either force myself to fit in there, or to move that faith off of the items that I find to be objectionable. Sadly, I have been sorely disappointed on both counts. All that is left is for me to accept that I don't fit there. I need to have the funeral for that type of faith at least as it impacts and relates to my own life, and move on.
The problem really becomes, what's next. Where do I go from here? What course to I chart for my ship of faith? What distant shore of faith should I aim for? What is the target, the end goal, the nexus that my soul should be aiming for?
I don't have an answer for this. Largely because the only other major philosophical perspective out there is one that I don't find agreement with. Post-Modern Christianity is what I am talking about here. I find its fundamental tennents of having no fundamental tennents to be troubling. And I can almost hear God laughing at my dilemma. I can almost hear God saying, "Fine, you didn't like how it was arranged here, then take a lot at this". I know God isn't like that for real but that's how it feels sometimes.
The Post-Modern movement is populated with a lot of people who in my careful inspection are Jesus movementers from the 1960's and 1970's that never grew up or grew out of being a hippie. They espouse non-conformist theological positions that I can find no support for in the text of the Bible. They espouse radicalism for radicalism's sake without any thought to the overall consequences. They marry together Marxist and Socialist thought with theology, and the cocktail is in my humble opinion toxic.
My review of this movement leaves me feeling more nervous than a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It is convoluted, and it lacks a coherent structure. It doesn't make rational or logical sense most of the time. And at some points it has more in common with a cult than a legitimate theological expression that should be taken seriously.
And yet I know that in life you can't stand still. I have to keep moving. The journey of life doesn't let you sit still and cogitate the formulas for all that long. You aren't allowed in most cases to stand in one place spiritually long enough that grass might grow up around you. It just doesn't work like that. The earth keeps spinning, the sun rises and sets in its monotonous pace. The moon goes through it's phases of existence as if drilling a hole in the curtain of night.
And so it is that I have to take this moment to decide this. To stay where I don't fit theologically, or to go where I am completely uncomfortable and nervous. Its a hard choice to make. None of the big picture items are easy, and I suppose it's always going to be like this. I wish it wasn't but wishing doesn't make it so.
The easy thing is that my dilemma won't involve a church switch. I attend a Vineyard that is a virtual 31 flavors theologically speaking. There is a little bit of everything expressed there. And really my dilemma was never about the physical expression of where I attend church, but rather the theology by which I live my life.
That's where I am right now. I think this will be a recurring rant of mine, and I will add more to it as I resolve this issue going forward.
I have struggled for many decades of my life to either force myself to fit in there, or to move that faith off of the items that I find to be objectionable. Sadly, I have been sorely disappointed on both counts. All that is left is for me to accept that I don't fit there. I need to have the funeral for that type of faith at least as it impacts and relates to my own life, and move on.
The problem really becomes, what's next. Where do I go from here? What course to I chart for my ship of faith? What distant shore of faith should I aim for? What is the target, the end goal, the nexus that my soul should be aiming for?
I don't have an answer for this. Largely because the only other major philosophical perspective out there is one that I don't find agreement with. Post-Modern Christianity is what I am talking about here. I find its fundamental tennents of having no fundamental tennents to be troubling. And I can almost hear God laughing at my dilemma. I can almost hear God saying, "Fine, you didn't like how it was arranged here, then take a lot at this". I know God isn't like that for real but that's how it feels sometimes.
The Post-Modern movement is populated with a lot of people who in my careful inspection are Jesus movementers from the 1960's and 1970's that never grew up or grew out of being a hippie. They espouse non-conformist theological positions that I can find no support for in the text of the Bible. They espouse radicalism for radicalism's sake without any thought to the overall consequences. They marry together Marxist and Socialist thought with theology, and the cocktail is in my humble opinion toxic.
My review of this movement leaves me feeling more nervous than a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It is convoluted, and it lacks a coherent structure. It doesn't make rational or logical sense most of the time. And at some points it has more in common with a cult than a legitimate theological expression that should be taken seriously.
And yet I know that in life you can't stand still. I have to keep moving. The journey of life doesn't let you sit still and cogitate the formulas for all that long. You aren't allowed in most cases to stand in one place spiritually long enough that grass might grow up around you. It just doesn't work like that. The earth keeps spinning, the sun rises and sets in its monotonous pace. The moon goes through it's phases of existence as if drilling a hole in the curtain of night.
And so it is that I have to take this moment to decide this. To stay where I don't fit theologically, or to go where I am completely uncomfortable and nervous. Its a hard choice to make. None of the big picture items are easy, and I suppose it's always going to be like this. I wish it wasn't but wishing doesn't make it so.
The easy thing is that my dilemma won't involve a church switch. I attend a Vineyard that is a virtual 31 flavors theologically speaking. There is a little bit of everything expressed there. And really my dilemma was never about the physical expression of where I attend church, but rather the theology by which I live my life.
That's where I am right now. I think this will be a recurring rant of mine, and I will add more to it as I resolve this issue going forward.
RSS Feed
