My Struggle... 04/23/2010
 
     I find myself struggling to grasp the Will of God these days.  I find myself in place where it is hard to grasp how God is playing an active role in my situation.  I struggle to fathom the path out of this place.  I struggle to continue to believe that this time will ever end.  I have made every effort to understand this time, find the joy in it, and try to be at peace with it.  The fundamental truth is that my patience with it is nearly spent.
     It gets harder each day to say that God is good, and that there is a plan for my egress from this place.  It gets harder each day to parrot the line of faith that has become my mantra, "God has a plan for this situation, and God will lead me to what’s next in the fullness of time".  I am clinging to that truth with all that is within me, but it gets harder each day.  It gets harder each day to keep the darker part of my spirit at bay.  With a total lack of progress out of this situation, it gets harder to keep telling my tempter to get behind me and go away.
     Each day the counsel of Job’s wife, “Why don’t you just curse God and die”, becomes a more viable option.  Each day I go through the motions and do what I am supposed to, but my heart has fallen into a dark place.  Somehow, I have come to a place where I am not one hundred percent convinced that a path out will ever become visible.  I keep waiting for a redeemer kinsman, and I am now wondering if my wait is in vain.
     And yet I have to maintain my faith.  I have to believe that God still cares for my situation.  I have to believe that he hasn’t forgotten me, and those in my care.  I have to believe that God hears my pleas for aid.  I have to believe that he will come to my aid.  What choice do I have?  The only other option is to embrace the oblivion that tugs at the edges of my soul.  And to do so will be to surrender the position to the evil one, and it would allow a dark victory with implications I can only guess at right now.
     And so I continue to trudge forward.  And so I continue to put one foot in front of the other in the hope that at some point the situation will break for the positive.  I have to hope that at some point God’s plan will match up with my need and the relief that is needed will reach this outpost.  I have to believe that God will send such reinforcement as is required to maintain this keep, this redoubt, this bastion.  Anything less is unthinkable…
     The key thing that I am left with is to accept that God's rule is sovreign regardless of my circumstance.  It is vital to understand that even if God doesn't come to my aid, his plan is still perfect.  It is critical to grasp, that the God I believe in doesn't have to do anything to prove that he exists, that he is holy, that he is omnipotent, that he is omniscent, that he is omnipresent.
     It is hard to praise God in view of these facts.  It is hard to put words to them, to make them real in my life.  It is hard to continue the struggle moving forward in view of them.  It is however the task appointed to me right now.  It is the work that has been assigned to me by my God, my savior, and my creator.
     I know I won't know this side of heaven the why of this period of my life.  This frustrates my analytical brain to be sure.  God however doesn't owe me an answer right now.  My only response to render faithful and sincere obediance in accordance with that will as it has come to be in my life right now.  I have to on bended knee thank my God for all the blessings that this situation has brought into existance in my life.
     It is tough to be sure, and the words sometimes choke in my throat as I speak them, but it is my duty to speak them nonetheless.  It is my charge to serve God in spite of circumstance.  It is my responsibility to focus in on what is in front of me without whining as to the essential nature of that which is there.
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Many people have been jumping and down of late about Fox News.  They argue vehemently about bias, half-truths, and distortions.  On some level, they do have a point.  And there was a time in my life when this sort of thing would have gotten me worked up.  For good or for ill, that time in my life has passed.  I suppose its what happens when you live enough life to have seen these cycles run their course numerous times.

The truth, as I see it, boils down like this...  There is not a single media outlet that does not exercise some degree of editorial discretion.  And there is not one that doesn't allow the outside views of the editors, producers, and ownership from finding its way into print copy, or onto air transmission.  The news media is not innocent on this issue, and never has been.  And rarely back in the day, when Walter Cronkite signed off with, "And that's that way it was..." was it ever totally true.

Bias is just a simple fact of the 24hour news cycle that's been created, and every owner of these outlets from Ted Turner, to Les Monves, to Rupert Murdoch, and beyond are all guilty of engaging in it.  Its a fact of life in our post-modern world, and we should get used to it.  We should become more informed, and more saavy consumers of news from the outlets we chose to consume news from.  We should spend time weighing the opinions we hear against those from other sources.  Anything less is just wanton stupidity.

We live in a free society that allows anyone to say just about anything.  Its the beauty of the republic we reside in.  Its the wonder of our democracy.  Its the freedom that multitudes of people fight and die to get here to partake in every day.  The United States does not have an official state news media like say Cuba, Venezuela, Iran, or North Korea.  We don't have to accept the version of events, or the spin on the truth being presented to us.  Its our virtuous right, its our glorious priviledge, its downright American in every sense of the word.
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